Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I often meet another couple at our favorite watering hole. They are very friendly and seem to like us a lot, but they are always absolutely plowed whenever we see them.
The husband will cling to something and always tell him. The last time I came across them, he constantly told me not to cross my arms because it was a defensive position. He even screamed from across the room.
I am 62 years old and I will cross my arms whenever I want. But, more seriously, he made some very precise and clear remarks about my boyfriend’s body. Yes, my type is extremely good-looking, but this was completely inappropriate and creepy.
I’m so grateful my boyfriend didn’t hear it, but I heard it.
How can I shut it down if it happens again?
Back, buddy
Dear friend: Remember: people who wear beer glasses do not usually have a perception of depth.
Just because this clogged couple catches on to you and seems to like you a lot doesn’t force you to like them instead.
The best way to respond to a drunk in a bar is to politely disregard him. I am not suggesting that you try to talk to him or engage in any kind of pun: this will only bring fire to his alcohol-fed feedback loop; it might make him angry too.
The next time these two very friendly people throw themselves at you while you are plowing and you don’t like them, you could say, “We’re going to sit here and have a private chat now. Make sure you get home, okay? ”
Dear Amy: My husband underwent knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital last week.
The first few weeks of physical therapy are done at home. The first session was today.
Everything went well and when it came time to leave, the therapist asked if my husband wanted to pray with her. She said it all depended on him.
He said yes, she said a short prayer and left.
I was surprised. It’s something new?
I have been seen by many health professionals and no one he ever asked me to pray with them.
We live in the Bible Belt, so I thought this might have something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I will pray alone
Please: My research in this regard led me to read a series of studies on the practice of prayer among health workers and patients. Although most seem to reflect attitudes toward patients asking health care workers to pray with them, one study reflected a similar situation to your husband’s.
Citing a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray for their health. However, when they are hospitalized, do patients want a prayer offer from a health care provider? This project allowed the measurement of the hospitalized patient’s responses to massage therapists’ offers regarding a colloquial prayer after a massage.
“After the intervention, 78 patients completed questionnaires that obtained quantitative data. … In this sample, 88% accepted the prayer offer, 85% considered it useful, and 51% wanted to pray daily. Patients can receive the prayer, as long as the clinician shows “genuine kindness and respect.” ”
Even though it might be unusual, I don’t think it’s necessarily unethical for a healthcare provider to offer to pray with a patient, even in the patient’s home. This could help build a connection between therapist and patient. Prayer could help to relax the patient and “center” his intentions toward his own health and recovery.
The offer may also feel like a constraint.
How did your husband feel about this practice? He should prepare to respond before his next meeting.
A reminder that this is his treatment and he has to decide how to deal with it, no matter how you feel about it.
Dear Amy: “Curmudgeon in California” wrote in the description of a baby shower based on Zoom, which includes more than 100 people!
For me, what made the showers in person tolerable were the food, the delicacies, the drinks and the panting with the people at your table.
Without it, it’s just a thing of the past.
No one should host a virtual event with more than 30 people. It is tiring and impersonal. Divide it into smaller events!
Shrinked
Dear Zoom-Out: I’m still amazed at the large number of people some people know!
Yes, smaller events are much better, whether they are virtual or real.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.