Shanghai, China.
From his Shanghai office, the marriage counselor Zhu Shenyong offers live recommendations on several phones simultaneously to an audience eager to save their relationships. With the increase in divorces in China, it is very busy.
On the wall of the agency has a mantra hanging: “Let there be no bad marriages under heaven.” But in the earthly reality, when customers ask for help, they are already in crisis.
“I always say that marriage counseling in China is like treating late-stage cancer,” says Zhu, 44, whose sessions can attract 500 spectators.
“Most of my clients want to save their marriage, a minority is thinking of divorcing, but everyone wants advice on the right decision to make,” added the man, who became known on social media claiming to earn one million yuan. (128,000 euros 152,000 dollars) per year.
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His mission is to “avoid avoidable divorces,” but Zhu is realistic and especially tries to smooth things out during a breakup, for the sake of the children.
Family pressure, an ultra-competitive society, rising property prices or childcare issues are some of the reasons why Chinese people leave marriage, especially young people, who prioritize personal freedom.
“On a positive note, divorce is a reflection of a civilized society and the awakening of women,” says Zhu, who cites extramarital affairs and financial problems as the main reasons for the breakup.
A month of reflection
Before him worrying decline in birth ratesInstead, the authorities encourage residents to get married and not separate. A new mandatory 30-day “cooling-off period” was introduced last year for divorcing couples. Before the deadline is one day.
The aim is to prevent “impulsive” divorces, but some human rights defenders fear it will affect women victims of violent marriages, especially as the term can be extended indefinitely at the request of one of the partners.
“The period of reflection turned into a period of aggression, which deviates completely from the original idea,” says Wang Youbai, a Cantonese lawyer.
“It is extremely unfair for victims of gender violence … trying to get rid of an unhappy marriage,” she added. Divorces that end in front of a judge last a year or two, according to Yi Yi, a Beijing lawyer, and the cost is higher.
Many provinces have imposed mandatory consultations for tens of thousands of young couples or those on the verge of divorce. According to the Wuhan City Council (center), in January the “reflection period” saved two out of three marriages.
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In Beijing, there are permanent counselors in marriage registration offices and 43,000 couples have benefited from them since 2015, with a success rate of “more than 60%,” says the municipality.
This help came too late for a 36-year-old Shanghai official, divorced last summer, named Wallace.
“For those who really want a divorce, (mediation) is a simple formality,” says Wallace, who attributes his failure to interference with his in-laws.
Draw lots
This man is one of the young people disappointed in the marriage that the government wants to persuade them to marry.
“Some people get married in order to get married, without wondering if they will be able to accept their partner’s flaws,” Wallace said, adding that many of his friends are worried about marriage and divorce.
“If you knew that one of the two marriages failed, would you still risk it?” Wallace asks. The pressure is constant, especially among women, to marry young people and have children, but more and more refuse to give up.
“For the elderly, divorce meant that no one loved you … but for my generation it’s a personal choice,” says Vivien, 31, who married after a passion.
“It is not shameful, on the contrary, we admire those who divorce.”