The keys to coping with chronic uncertainty

Being a working parent or a man has always come with a certain unpredictability. Children catch stomach flu, snowy days throw a key in big presentations, trains get stuck between stations. And yet, most days of the week before last March, work time was something you could count on. The biggest thing in the fight was often ourselves, our tendencies to procrastination or gossip from the coffee machine.

Now we are facing a year of question marks. There was great and terrible uncertainty: will the virus hurt someone I love? Will my industry survive? The top layer is this daily volatility, which psychologists say can also have a big impact on our body and mind. Will my childcare class close? Will my internet be out this morning? Where should I work if this storm takes away my strength?

“It is this compound effect in which people only feel that” What is certain? “Says Jacqueline Sperling, clinical psychologist and director of training and research at the McLean Anxiety Mastery Program at McLean Hospital in Cambridge, Mass.

We are equipped to deal with occasional doses of uncertainty. They can energize us, says Dr. Sperling. But chronic uncertainty leaves us no time to recover. As a result, we may feel tired or irritable or realize that our memory is not as sharp.

“Our bodies are not meant to endure this,” she says.

Of course, we have all had very different experiences in the last year, with some people huddled at home and others continuing to commute to work. I’m lucky I even had the option to take care of the children.

Even if things generally improve and we venture more and more, unpredictability remains. Many of us look grateful when the children return to school, but are left wondering about the days that could end either with the normal school bell at 3, or with a two-week quarantine announced at noon. This seems to be especially impressive.

“It’s better to be sure that something bad is going to happen than to be utterly insecure,” says Robb Rutledge, a psychology professor at Yale University. In a 2016 paper, he and co-authors found that participants in an experiment were about three times more stressed when they had a 50% chance of receiving an electric shock than when they had a 90% chance. Dr. Rutledge hypothesizes that when we know the worst is coming, we can prepare and accept. We move on to the next step – to deal with it – rather than twisting through what is.

“It’s hard to work when you guess whether or not the tools you need will be there during the day,” says Esther Brown, who works for the Hawaii Department of Commerce and Consumers and lives in Oahu.

Her 58-year-old team, spread across the Hawaiian Islands, struggled with connectivity issues while working from home. In a single video call, he didn’t even manage to take a picture of his management team. Without fail, someone continued to descend.

At the office, we would often deal with all along with interruptions – a network down, a sound fire exercise. Now we feel alone, stuck in our own circumstances. And so many of our Plans from B, from grandparents to cafes, can feel too risky to achieve.

Roberta Matuson, executive coach and author of the upcoming book, “Can We Talk?” about difficult conversations at work, recommends that workers open up to their bosses if they are worried about the uncertainty that arises. You don’t need to provide endless details, but signal that you may need a little flexibility soon.

Then work with your manager to set binding priorities. Spill foreign meetings. And try to exceed your deadlines.

“Don’t postpone anything, because you really don’t know what will happen tomorrow,” says Ms. Matuson.

Dan Ring, a public relations director with payment software company ACI Worldwide,

ensures that his team shares documents and keeps colleagues informed of their projects in case they suddenly have to take time off.

“That way people don’t have to go up right away,” says Mr. Ring, who lives in Sharon, Mass. “Everyone knows what’s going on with others.”

When Mr Ring’s daughter was hospitalized with a post-covid infection last summer, he switched jobs to co-workers without any problems. However, it took them a while to share what was happening and ask for help.

“I just didn’t want people to get scared,” he says. “I had no answers.”

Dr. Sperling, the psychologist, recommends that those who face uncertainty first take a moment to validate their feelings. These experiences we are having are difficult.

“Before moving on to problem solving, acknowledge the emotional experience,” she says.

Try to practice “radical acceptance” in which you embrace what is happening to you instead of struggling with it. And find ways to inject a little control into your day, such as sticking to set meal and sleep times.

It took me a while to learn how to live with my uncertain care for children. Last month, I took the courage to tell my boss about switching back to child care with all the potential hiccups. Then, in a week, I woke up to something surprising: five full days of childcare.

I am sure that there will be more last minute changes and emergencies. But after a year of upheaval, it felt great to work according to plan.

Making peace in precarious times

Here are some suggestions on how to manage logistics and emotional management in unstable times, according to psychologists and career experts:

* Rethink your deadlines: If you are a manager, mentally add a 20% pillow to the timeline you assign to workers. Also lower your expectations for increases.

* Create layoffs: Divide team members into tasks, prepare succession plans if someone needs to label them and train workers in the responsibilities of others.

* Talk to yourself: Validate what you are going through. Embrace reality, as opposed to thinking “Why me?” And try to find small ways to establish control throughout the day.

* Team up to join the call: If you have a partner, divide your days so that one person is on duty if something goes wrong and the other person is guaranteed working time.

Write to Rachel Feintzeig at [email protected]