I know I often write about my problems with Teslas – from which I have many – but in fact I think the basic design of their vehicles, the undercarriage, the battery technology and the packaging are excellent and I appreciate them the commitment to do stupid things. I’m still having fun with nonsense in cars. And it seems that people have discovered something fun and silly in their Tesla. Even better, involves holes. However, I have a conceptual problem with this butthole-related Easter egg. I will explain.
Here’s what the Easter egg means: if you use voice commands in Tesla, you can say “open the button” of the car and the charging port mounted on the lamp will open.
This seems to have been discovered by Twitter user @tesla_master, who I think is actually a Tesla master, since he even thought of telling his car to open the gap for some reason.
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I wonder if the safe word for the car is “spark plug?” That’s what I would use.
However, the butthole thing seems to have been confirmed by other Tesla owners who are having fun telling the cars to open the buttholes:
It also seems that “bunghole” can work for these open / close commands and there are a number of other slightly risky commands that you can give your Tesla if you feel crazy:
Okay, everything is fun and I’m glad that both the engineers and the owners are having a good laugh here, but I feel that there is something very important, conceptual, to note here:
The charging port is not the equivalent of a butthole. It really is the equivalent of a the mouth.
I mean, think about it – basically, the anus is an outlet. In the case of most anus-equipped animals (unlike a sewer, which is a kind of general waste / breeding port), it is used to dispose of waste, either gaseous or solid.
At the other end of the digestive tract is the mouth, which is used for food intake.
So what’s the use of a Tesla’s charging port? It’s food! Provides electricity to the car, which is effectively the equivalent of the car to eat.
Even if we look at where a Tesla’s charging port could be used to power something else, such as introducing electricity into the grid, is closer to a mother bird that regurgitates food to feed its children. It is not waste, it is food, but only redirected to the outside.
This is not the first time I have considered the role of the anus in relation to cars; for ICE machines, I have previously stated that the exhaust pipes are the anuses of combustion cars:
While the technologies are different, the concepts are the same: on an ICE machine, the port where the substance (fuel) enters is the mouth (filling the fuel), and the port where the waste is discharged is the anus (exhaust pipe).
On an electric vehicle, the port where the food enters is the mouth (charging port) and for residual products, well, it’s a little more complicated, because the waste is really produced at the point where electricity is generated primarily – a power plant coal or a nuclear power plant or anything else.
But, the great thing about EV is that there may not be a real gap in the system at all, if the electricity comes from solar or wind or tidal energy or something.
On the car itself, the closest thing to waste is probably the heat, so for a Tesla, I’d say the hole is really the cooling system.
I know the charging port is in the back of the car, but I don’t think I can handle the analogization of an EV’s charging port like a fool.
I am sorry. I know you’re having fun, though car anthropomorphization it’s too important to me, and as a self-proclaimed tsar self-proclaimed self-anthropomorphizing, I will have to decree that EV charging ports, regardless of their location, are mouths, not anuses.
I hope Tesla will update this in their next over-the-air update. If they still need something vaguely dirty to name it, maybe they can do “mouth open“Or”open the electron hole“Or”says aaaah. ”
Hm. “says aaahh“It works better for visually opening the front trunk. However, I remain here in my view: if it needs food, it is not a butthole.
I mean, I eat things and I can be a butthole, but that’s it different, damn it.