After two weeks of struggling to make fun of politics in the Joe Biden era, Saturday Night Live finally had something to work with this weekend: the second impeachment trial and Donald Trump’s inevitable acquittal.
The scene opened Saturday with “human White Claw” Tucker Carlson (played by Alex Moffat) starring Kate McKinnon’s Lindsey Graham and Aidy Bryant’s Ted Cruz on his Fox News show.
“There’s a lot to discuss tonight, including the accusation,” Carlson said at the top of the cold open sketch. So instead of my usual monologue, here’s a loose collection of panic-stricken non-sequiturs. Is AOC currently hiding in your home? I wouldn’t let her pass. Pronouns for dogs? Come on, everyone knows they are boys. Pixar: Does it make our kids depressed or gay? Choose one!”
When Graham joined the show, he said, “Thank you, Tucker, it’s a great day for 30 percent of America,” before explaining, “We can all agree that the attack on the Capitol was a terrible thing. But just because the rioters shouted “fight for Trump” doesn’t mean they meant Donald Trump. They could have been real Tiffany heads. Maybe some Eric stans? I don’t know! “
“But anyway, the trial is over and now we can get past this and focus on the serious issues,” he continued. “That is locking up Hillary and freeing the beautiful Britney Spears.”
“That’s a good point, Lindsey,” Carlson replied. “It really makes me twist my face like I’m thinking.”
Cruz then joined them when the words “Trump Said ‘Wife Ugly” appeared on the screen below him. “Like any impartial juror, we took it upon ourselves to meet with the defense attorneys to give them a very simple legal advice: stop and don’t.”
Then, after a handful of jokes at the expense of Trump’s defense attorneys, Senate Leader Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett) seemed like a reprise of his sudden rebuke to the former president, despite his vote to acquit him.
“Everyone knows you can’t impeach a former president,” McConnell said. “That’s why we should have blamed him earlier when I said we couldn’t.”
And finally, when asked what he really thinks about Trump, he added, ‘I think he’s guilty as hell. And the worst person I’ve ever met. And I hope every city, county and state gets its ass locked up. Oh God, that felt good! I’ve held that on my neck for four years! “
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