December 19, 2020
By AJ Willingham and Ivory Sherman
This time last year, if you told someone you were in your forties, they would look at you like you had five heads. But things are changing. A LOT. Let’s see how much your pandemic-era vocabulary has expanded during this strange year.
What do you call a small group of people with whom you agree to socialize during social blockage and distancing?
Some people have made “quarantine teams” of close friends who agree to isolate themselves from everyone except the others. Others have just bought a lot of houseplants.
Which of these is an unfortunate side effect of wearing a mask?
Masks can be an important part of safety equipment, but they can certainly wreak havoc on your skin. And nobody likes masks.
What do you call someone who boldly ignores the basic guidelines for coronavirus safety?
A “Covidiot” has become the common term, but “simply rude” would also suffice.
What do you call it when you can’t stop looking at social networks, even if everything is awful and sad?
We have all gone through a crisis of condemnation this year and nothing good is ever coming.
On the other hand, what is the deadline for scrolling through social media when something great has happened and you just can’t get enough?
Refreshing! What a word that sounds happy. Almost as happy as the action he describes.
If you feel like dating someone, but you need to do it by video call, what do you call it?
And yes, “Zooty” from “Zooty call” is a mixture of “Zoom” and “booty”.
When time flows together, weeks become months and months lose their meaning, what day is it?
All we need to know is whether it’s a week or a weekend. Other than that, it’s all Blursday.
What is the signed drink (no matter what ingredients are involved)?
A Quarantini may be the most popular term for a beautiful Blursday pleasure, but it is possible to change it and make a Cry Tai.
What is the term for the questionable style that some people end up wearing when they have to maintain their own hair at home?
Don’t make fun of someone’s coronation. It means I’m safe and doing my best.
And finally, what term do we use to designate anything that happened before, say, March 2020?
“Remember in The Before Times, when there were restaurants and a lot of sports and no one knew what the ‘Zooty call’ meant?”