Aa certified expert in social media, I speak from experience when I tell the reader that the best followers on the entire internet are former athletes on Instagram. Forty-something men, who have conquered the most demanding profession in the world, living strange lives in their twilight, just wandering in a world they never planned when they were young. Want to see the 7-time All-Star and future Hall of Famer Joe Johnson posting Hemsworth-level photos? Is Pau Gasol eating an egg? Are you following Reggie Miller’s trail exploits? Well, reader, everything is there and more: a brave new world of older men who have lived what they were made to believe is their main goal, just vibration, is looking for good times and congratulates his children for minor achievements. The lives we would all live if our wildest dreams came true.
Last Friday night, Hall of Fame Celtics striker Paul Pierce set the gold standard for all Instagram content of retired athletes, when he, bewildered, played live, with glassy eyes and wasted transparently, playing poker with his boys in while a lot of strippers crept in, he jerked to the room and seemed to have a good, healthy time, while a random NBA game in the middle of the season was played on TV in the background.
Feel free to consume this sacred document here, but if you can’t escape the time tonight, let me take a second to describe a few important moments. Pierce opens the stream by saying “massage my neck.” He invites a stripper into the comments, saying he could make some money. He seems to be drinking from a small cup of medicine. For two minutes, he takes time to shout at the Jewish people on Shabbat, say “Shabbat is poppin” and says he would like “to be on Shabbat.” When someone mentions COVID-19, he says he has already been vaccinated and then recommends everyone to take the chance, which is, frankly, just responsible messaging. Then he draws an incredible line that reads “Stop hating … everyone hates …”
It also:
I’ve been to Curcani before. After more than a year in COVID hell, it’s uplifting to know that there are moments that make life worth living, folks.
In a rational world, nothing happens after that, except maybe a significant increase in the line that calls the “TURKS” to Paul Pierce as he walks down the street. But unfortunately, Paul shared his poker and stripper exploits as an ESPN employee, where he was an analyst in the NBA network coverage studio until yesterday, when he was fired unceremoniously from the world leader because he was too cool.
Now, has Paul Pierce been a beloved presence on television in this great nation? No, not really. He once said he had a better career than Dwyane Wade, which was quite funny, and watching him go wrong was a delightful pleasure, simply because it was such an irritating NBA presence on the field during his career. its. He may or may not have confessed that he dropped his pants in the middle of the game and was taken out in a wheelchair to hide his shame from the national TV audience. And anyway, all the talent on ESPN is moving against the flow of micromanaged post-game shows, produced within an inch of their lives.
“But just because he’s not Vin Scully doesn’t mean he should be fired just for broadcasting three sheets to the wind, looking at the bottoms.”
But just because he’s not Vin Scully doesn’t mean he should be fired just for broadcasting three sheets to the wind, watching the bottoms. Who is ESPN protecting here, exactly? Everyone involved was A-OK, even making time to promote their own Instagram presences for everyone who follows. Paul may not be terribly respectful of COVID, but he did promote the vaccine! And look, it’s not like he’s the only NBA character who took some time out of quarantine to enjoy the company of exotic dancers. James Harden and Lou Williams have just received quarantine suspensions and tasks, which I think is enough, at least for me. Did ESPN worry that all the children watching Paul Pierce would try to imitate his behavior? I certainly hope not, because, as Draymond Green once pointed out, there are probably no children watching Paul Pierce.
It’s not like Republican politicians lined up to convict Paul Pierce of his Instagram-related bastards (too busy trying to deal with the accused child trafficker). No one is threatening to boycott, protesting in front of his / her beheading house. Paul Pierce has not lost his credibility as a basketball analyst – if anything chilled his reputation, because there is something really annoying about an NBA player who is not a party animal. It’s just funny shit that happened. You suspend it for a week or ignore it, and it fades into the background – some funny shit internet bozos mention and share with future internet bozos.
Charles Barkley, the monolithic presence in TNT’s colossal fun post-game on TNT, received a DUI in 2009, told his arresting officer that “… he’ll drive around the corner and take a blowjob” and will have to and keep the job after a while, because no one was obsessed with saving face or anything else ESPN felt they had to do to save their reputation from one of their employees by drunk talking about how it was at Turkeys.
Pierce didn’t do anything an eighth as malignant, and yet here he is, in the cold, because ESPN couldn’t handle anyone enjoying the company of strippers? What exactly did it take for her to get out quickly, when ESPN personalities credibly accused of sexual harassment continue to network? Was it just the fact that they couldn’t sweep away the Instagram Live recordings that didn’t do anything wrong under the rug?
I am serious: What is the problem here, exactly? Did they just think he was stupid? It’s not about baseball or NFL or Republican politics. No one in or around the NBA has historically felt compelled to hold a tearful press conference apologizing to the public because they like to cool off with occasional strippers. It’s damn professional basketball and it’s usually on top of this puritanical crap. Why ESPN didn’t get the grade, I can’t even imagine. Leave the Paul Party, cowards.