LONDON (AP) – For nine months, Gordon Bonner has been “in despair and desolation” after losing his 63-year-old wife to a coronavirus pandemic that killed more than 100,000 people in the UK.
It wasn’t until recently that Bonner thought he might be able to move on – after feeling the spirit of his wife, Muriel, next to him in what would have been her 84th birthday.
“I suddenly understood that I need to change my attitude, that memories are not handcuffed, they are garlands and you should wear them as garlands around your shoulders and use them to communicate between the fast and the dead,” said the major. retired army officer in an interview at his home in north Leeds. “Pain is the price we pay for love.”
Bonner, 86, is just one of many hundreds of thousands of Britons grieving over the pandemic. With over 2 million dead worldwide, people around the world are mourning their loved ones, but the British rate weighs heavily: it is the smallest nation to exceed 100,000.
While Wuhan, Bergamo or New York City may be more associated with the pandemic, the UK has one of the highest death rates relative to its population. For comparison, the United States, with a population five times larger than the United Kingdom, has four times the number of deaths. Experts say that viruses are generally declining due to limited tests and failed cases, especially at the beginning of the pandemic.
Along with the excess of deaths comes the excess of pain, accentuated even more by the social distancing measures in force to slow down the spread of the virus.
“There will be a tsunami of pain and mental health problems this year, next year, ongoing due to complications, because, of course, people have not been able to have the usual rituals,” said Linda Magistris, founder of Good Grief Trust, which brings together mourning services in the UK under an umbrella.
Bonner understands the need for restrictions, but that hasn’t made it any easier.
Six weeks after she was prevented from going to Muriel’s nursing home due to blockage restrictions and 10 days after she was diagnosed with COVID-19, Bonner was called to the hospital and “dressed like an astronaut.” , testified at the end of his wife. agonizing moments.
“He worked so hard to catch his breath, his lips tight as if he had sucked on a straw,” he said. “I can see her face now with her lips in that position and she was devastating and hit me sideways.”
It was the last time he saw Muriel, and that image haunts him. And in what he called a “wicked turn in the story,” Bonner was not given a chance to replace that memory because his wife’s body was considered an “active coronavirus reservoir.” He couldn’t even dress her the way he wanted to be cremated. Hugs with friends and family – well, they are not advised.
These rituals are helping people cope, a difficult task now, as there is no escape from the death toll in the UK – beyond the annual average of around 600,000 – from the usual sound of ambulance sirens to the alarming headlines in the bulletins. news.
“The background of death, of pain, creates a rather caustic context,” said Andy Langford, clinical director at Cruse, a leading charity for distressed people.
Many left behind do not know where to look for help, in part because they are navigating the pain process at a time when local health services are not functioning as normally.
Mourning charities have intervened, adapting online support groups that may appeal to those who would otherwise have been reluctant to seek help in the pre-COVID-19 world.
But resources are plentiful, especially when the country regularly has more than 1,000 deaths a day. The Government is urged to provide additional funding for the strengthening of helplines, counseling services and other community support programs.
“It’s really important not to pathologize pain as an indication of mental health difficulties, but just as much people will need support,” said Dr Charley Baker, an associate professor of mental health at the University of Nottingham.
Many will not need external or just minimal assistance. But there is concern that some of the pain is renewed: that people could unconsciously protect themselves from its full impact and could end up being hit hard as the pandemic comes under control.
“I think it will be strange, because it will be a really positive thing when things, we hope, return to a certain degree of normalcy, but I think it would be a very difficult time, because we were all a little frozen in time, “Said Jo Goodman, who lost his 72-year-old father, Stuart, in April last year, just days after testing positive for the virus.
A few months after her father’s death, Goodman, 32, co-founded the COVID-19 Bereaved Families for Justice group to put pressure on the government to support a public inquiry into how the pandemic was treated last spring.
“We can’t normalize the fact that hundreds of hundreds of people die every day and know what their families are going through,” Goodman said.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said an investigation will take place – but only after the crisis is over. But critics already say the government has repeated the mistakes it made in the spring in the current renaissance., such as blocking the country too late. The UK is also battling a new, more contagious variant that may pose a higher risk of death than the original strain.
Meanwhile, Bonner hopes the country will take the time to mourn properly and plans to send a letter to Johnson, who has not yet held a national commemoration for the victims of the virus, to suggest “a simultaneous memorial service so that those of us who lost people to COVID may go somewhere to seek solace. ”
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