My brother-in-law is just over 40 years old and has health problems. He also suffers from mental health problems that have been largely undiagnosed due to his refusal to see anyone and, in essence, does nothing but smoke weeds, drink alcohol and play video games.
Currently, his parents pay their mortgage, which I think is in their name, and they assume that they pay all his bills. His father takes care of the maintenance of his house and helps with food and “necessities”. I assume that they also pay the medical bills or simply allow them to remain unpaid.
This year, my septuagenarian father-in-law had a health scare. My mother-in-law also had some health problems, although nothing endangered her life. I’m afraid that my brother-in-law, given his calm lifestyle, may also face additional health problems as he gets older.
I mentioned to my wife that she should openly discuss real estate plans with us. She agreed, but the subject is always rejected with them. Her family doesn’t like to talk about death or money at all. The most I got is that everything is divided in two.
I think this is a great plan on paper, but I see two big problems. First of all, there is the house that cannot simply be divided in half without being sold, which neither my wife nor her brother will really want to do. Is paid.
The Moneyist:My wife and I have 3 children. I also have 3 children from a previous marriage. How should we divide our house between these 6 children?
Maybe in a decade, my wife could pay for half the house and buy it, but that raises the issue. Her brother can’t manage his own life right now and I know what will happen if about two hundred thousand fall into his lap.
Neither I nor my wife want him to be homeless, but I worry that I will be responsible for the care of my brother-in-law. I think he will become impoverished after his parents disappear if no one intervenes. At the same time, if he simply leaves them money, he will remove them or possibly take them from debt collectors.
My wife and I are benevolent and can handle money very well. Ideally, we could simply run a trust for him to make sure the bills are paid so he doesn’t end up homeless or starve. Obviously, this is a sensitive topic that comes from his son-in-law, especially with wise in-laws about death and money.
I don’t want to change the bill for this guy when his parents are gone.
Any advice would be great.
The son-in-law in charge
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Dear son-in-law,
Sounds like a combination of mental health and addiction issues. Sometimes one can lead to another. Helping your brother-in-law may require family intervention rather than financial intervention. That would involve the whole family taking the wand and telling him one by one that they love him and want him to stand up and get the help he needs.
Depression has increased among middle-aged American men over the past decade. Baby boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, face a higher risk of depression, according to a survey by the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. In the US, 14% of baby boomers are treated for depression. This is significantly higher than the national average of 11%, double the percentage for millennia.
It can also lead to more serious health problems. Studies have shown that being overweight or obese is associated with a higher risk of dying prematurely than being a healthier weight – and the risk increases with extra pounds. More than a quarter of American adults define themselves as obese, but the real rate of obesity is closer to a third of the population.
The Moneyist: My friend’s father buried $ 50,000 in the backyard for his grandchildren. My friend has 2 children, but his spending brother has none. Should he share it?
Your in-laws can explore options to make sure your brother-in-law is cared for after he leaves, and someone with mental health and addiction issues who also lacks life skills would not be best able to handle it. own finances, especially a lump sum. They could make a provision in their will to put the proceeds from the sale of their home into a special needs or income trust.
This may require a second intervention, which forces your in-laws to face the reality that their son is facing a long road to recovery and, if he does not want or cannot improve, he will have to adapt real estate plans in consequence. This could involve setting up a meeting with your in-laws and a financial planner and a real estate lawyer to discuss these issues.
There are many organizations that can help your parents, including the National Alliance for Mental Illness and the National Council for Behavioral Health. Your brother-in-law may also benefit from some sort of rehabilitation or recovery program. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Helpline provides crisis counseling for people affected by the pandemic.
You can’t finally force your brother-in-law or brothers-in-law to seek the help they need, and perhaps, through a moment of grace, recognize that they have to face an unpleasant or difficult truth. You can do whatever you can. But you are not ultimately responsible for the lives of others, even though it may be difficult to keep track of this deteriorating situation over time.
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Quentin Fottrell is MarketWatch’s Moneyist columnist. You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at [email protected]. By emailing your questions, you agree to publish them anonymously on MarketWatch.