The researchers found that people facing imminent separations began using the pronouns “I” and “us” more frequently up to three months before their separation.
In general, the language of people who broke up with a partner, as well as those who were separated, also became less formal and more personal. According to researchers, these changes may express a decrease in analytical thinking and an increase in cognitive processing.
“These are signs that someone is carrying a heavy cognitive load,” said Sarah Seraj, MS, lead author and doctoral candidate in psychology. “They think or work through something and become more self-focused.”
In general, people who are depressed or sad may start using the word “I” more often, Seraj explained. “When people are depressed, they tend to focus on themselves and are not able to relate to others as much.”
People showed these language changes even when discussing totally unrelated topics, the researchers found, showing how ubiquitous a breakup can affect someone’s life on a subconscious level.
While these patterns began to relax after six months for most people, the language of some users did not return to normal until a year after parting. Those who took longer to get over the breakup were more likely to repeat their story of the breakup months after it happened, which researchers say was harder for them to heal.