I wanted to give up COVID-19, thinking it would feel like a bad flu. I was so wrong.

“I just want to finish this.”

I admit that this thought crossed my mind several times in 2020, since the first viewing of the SARS-CoV-2 virus spreading rapidly in China. Before reporting cases in the United States, I remember telling my husband that people weren’t paying attention. You may have thought I was a little paranoid, but as a person with a chronic illness – who was debating when to start taking immunosuppressants – it was important to keep an eye on her.

That happened over a year ago, and although some of me wanted to get the coronavirus, so hopefully get over it and treat my rheumatoid arthritis (which isn’t federal list of high-risk comorbidities) without so much fear – nothing could have prepared me for the reality of experiencing “moderate” COVID-19 symptoms for me.

Some people may think that getting this virus is inevitable and we are all experiencing major COVID-19 fatigue. In my rural community, I still regularly hear people proclaiming that COVID-19 is a hoax or that it is “just the flu.”

Many argue that they should not follow safety protocols, because this coronavirus “only affects those with pre-existing conditions and the elderly” (as if they were somehow consumable?). I hear that people around me are more afraid of the vaccine than of receiving COVID-19.

These attitudes are ubiquitous in Utah, where I made the front page conspiracy theorists storming hospitals, requesting access to ICUs; mothers who follow a code not to test their children for COVID-19 in an effort to keep schools open; and anti-mask protests.

Surprisingly, the cases in Utah have increased, and ours hospitals were at or near capacity since November.

Although some people are blessed to have mild (or even asymptomatic) symptoms, the so-called moderate symptoms of COVID-19 can still be terrifying and traumatic, and severe symptoms are urgent. I never thought COVID-19 was like the flu, and I did enough research on the health articles I wrote to know about the damage it can do to the body, including incidents of organ damage, the risk of experiencing “long carrier” symptoms and growing body of evidence that the virus can cause psychosis in some individuals.

I also had a progression of RA disease in the last year without treatment, and my body began to show signs of permanent joint damage, which cannot be reversed. This is why part of me just wanted to “pass” in the hope that it would not be severe for me.

In the end, I hoped that I would contract, that COVID-19 would do it sense flu-like for me because I’m over 30 and not considered high risk.

Although I was careful and did my best to follow the safety instructions, I contracted the coronavirus in mid-December.

The fight with COVID-19 was completely different than I had imagined, because the symptoms were different from anything I had ever experienced. Yes, there was fever, a cough that felt deep and bad, and extreme muscle aches and fatigue, but it was much more than that … and it was nothing like the flu.

What I did not expect and nothing could have prepared me was the pain and pressure in my chest and the constant feeling that I was not getting enough oxygen. It made me feel like I was getting out of my skin, like I was going crazy. I could tell that my body was running on all cylinders, fighting a foreign and relentless invader.

Sometimes I was afraid my body would lose the battle. I was afraid to sleep at night. What if I woke up panting for breath or I didn’t wake up at all? COVID-19 is not only a physical illness, it can also cause a lot of anxiety.

I was given a brochure when I was tested. He had a list of warning signs to watch out for, including symptoms such as bluish lips or face, inability to wake up or stay awake. My lips weren’t blue and I could take a deep breath, but I still felt like my body wasn’t getting enough oxygen. I couldn’t take more than a few steps without becoming extremely weak and dizzy, the world revolving around me.

I he was in that strange place of being very ill, but perhaps not ill enough to go to the hospital. I didn’t know then, though your body can be dangerously low in oxygen without experiencing classic signs, like panting for breath.

Although a steroid I had on hand for rheumatoid arthritis helped to temporarily relieve my symptoms, my chest pressure and fight for oxygen just came back and made me wonder what kind of damage this constant attack could cause me. of inflammation inside.

My body was fighting a full-scale war, and although I realized that I was improving a little each day, the stress of the battle over my immune system caused me to develop shingles about two weeks after testing positive for COVID-19. Shingles was miserable, but not as scary as the coronavirus.

We often hear about death rates related to this virus, but that doesn’t tell the whole story. There are no guarantees with this virus and there is no way to know for sure how your body will react to it. This does not mean that we should live in fear, but rather that we should live with consideration for others, doing everything possible to protect the most vulnerable and ourselves from contracting this virus. COVID-19 should never be ruled out as the flu or any other disease that people are familiar with.

I am very grateful that I am alive, but I do not feel completely “recovered”. So far, eight weeks after receiving a positive test, I still can’t stand an elliptical for more than 10 to 15 minutes without chest pain. My endurance has dropped dramatically. I struggle with persistent chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue, and other strange symptoms such as dry mouth and insomnia. Unfortunately, with COVID, “recovered” does not always mean “returned to health.”

While our family was in quarantine, a child in our neighborhood wanted to play with our son, and she kept knocking on the door until my husband shouted from the other side that we had COVID-19.

“COVID is fake!” she shouted back.

“No, it is not!” my husband replied. It’s real and for many people it doesn’t feel like the flu. I learned that hard.

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