Eva Mendes’ favorite advice from parents caused disagreement on social networks: don’t beat your children.
Hitch the actress, who shares two daughters, 6-year-old Esmeralda, and 4-year-old Amada, with Ryan Gosling, shared it on Tuesday with a glam photo on Instagram. “I’m often asked what my favorite red carpet dress is,” the headline read. “This @versace is definitely up there. I’m not often asked what my favorite quote for parents is, but I’ll post it anyway. Please swipe if you care.”
The quote, credited to Racheous’s mother’s blogger, read: “Spanking does for a child’s development what it does to hit a husband for a marriage.”
Followers jumped in: “I don’t know. I was hit and now I’m a respectful adult. And believe me, I deserved it. [it]. I was a jerk. “
“I love you, but I completely agree,” wrote one follower. “The purpose of raising children is not to have to beat them, but to correct them before they can resolve their behavior with you. Completely different than hitting someone. “
“Spanking is a way of teaching, not hurting or abusing,” one fan wrote.
When one parent added, “I think everyone is different and I respect everyone’s decision, but for me, I didn’t hit often, but I did,” Mendes said, “Thank you for your comment. you agree not to agree. to offer this in a loving way. We all parent in our own way and I have no idea what I do the most [of] time. This didn’t come with a textbook, so when something resonates with me, I pass it on. Shame on you. “
Other parents agreed with Mendes. “… I have three children, so I understand the desire to spank! (Also, most of us have been raised in cultures or families where physical discipline is routine and accepted, so I understand it) Spanking is a loss of control from the parent. [we] we try to teach our children how to communicate in a healthy way even when we are very upset. We also help them build those internal controls so that they don’t get hit by others when things don’t go their way or are frustrated, upset or upset. ”
“If an adult hits an adult who is called an assault and can file charges and end up in prison, but when a defenseless child is hit, it is called discipline,” one wrote. Another added: “I received mine [ass] kicked in childhood and did not serve me. It normalizes abuse and does not teach children how to articulate their feelings. “
According to Dawn Brown, a psychiatrist in Houston, Texas, spanking is “one of the most debated parenting topics,” but it doesn’t work the way parents might hope. “Spanking does not teach children proper ways to manage their anger or regulate their emotions,” she told Yahoo Life.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (PAA) has a definite position on corporal punishment, defined as “harmless, open-handed hitting with the intent to alter a child’s behavior,” based on the fact that the stain harms children’s emotional development, causes aggressive behavior and increases the risk of mental health disorders and cognitive problems – even when parents feel that their approach is well-intentioned. “In cases where hot parental practices took place alongside corporal punishment, the link between harsh discipline and adolescent conduct disorder and depression remained,” AAP said in a 2018 press release for its updated guidelines.
Spanking can also cause neurological changes in a child, says Brown, whose effects can be seen in adulthood. “We know it reduces the gray matter of the brain, the part of the central nervous system that influences intelligence, learning ability, speech, emotion and memories.” And a 2017 study by the University of Michigan found that being hit in childhood was “significantly associated” with mental health issues, alcohol use and suicide attempts in adulthood.
If nothing else, says Brown, spanking sends mixed messages to children, especially when it disciplines them for hitting other children.
What makes spanking a particularly difficult topic is its intergenerational component, according to Sheryl Ziegler, a family therapist in Denver, Colombia, and the author. Mami Burnout. “If you were hit in childhood, you’re more likely to beat your own child,” she tells Yahoo Life. “Then we have a cycle of parents dealing with stress in this way, which is hard to break.”
Some parents believe that the punch is justified, but in fact does not prevent the children from behaving. “It’s a momentary shock to the child’s system, but it won’t stop the negative behavior in the long run,” says Ziegler.
According to both experts, parents should check themselves when they reach that breaking point. When parents beat, they are usually in ‘fight’ mode, not ‘run’, ‘says Ziegler. “[At that point]”Parents work out of complete fear,” she says.
Ziegler suggests that parents take a “time-out” in these stressful moments, taking deep breaths and moving away, while saying “I’m frustrated” to model conflict resolution skills. “That way, if someone is bad with your child at school, he or she can get away,” says Ziegler.
Brown also suggests a form of “cause and effect” punishment by removing privileges. It boils down to: “You made a poor choice and that’s the consequence,” she says, adding that this technique is useful if a child has a huge investment. [in the activity]. “
But discipline can be like praise, says Ziegler. “You can deviate from [negative behavior] saying, “You did a great job cleaning your room,” even if he doesn’t listen. Focus on something positive. “Brown adds that positive reinforcement can be used on a regular basis to encourage good behavior.” Suppose your child is behaving at recess, but they had two really positive days at school, “she says. Her reward for that. “
Finally, redefining the “punishment” can help parents avoid harsh approaches. “Punishment has a negative connotation, but children can learn through it,” says Brown. “They shouldn’t cause harm – they should learn the right behavior.”
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