Not only that long-term COVID-19 (now clinically known as the post-acute sequelae of SARS-CoV-2, or PASC) incredibly debilitating, experiencing a health condition that did not exist in the recent past can be quite isolating.
Living with COVID for a long time means that someone might feel good one day just for symptoms to throw them back next on the bed. People may also fear that friends, family and colleagues think they are exaggerating – or have unrealistic expectations of their recovery.
As a friend, family member, or colleague of someone who is experiencing post-viral COVID-19, it is important to provide support that does not accidentally reduce these symptoms and make people feel more alone in their struggle. Here’s how to do it, according to experts:
First, stop talking about the disease as something that will be resolved soon.
Nobody likes to see their sick loved one. However, if you want to ease that pain, you can pressure the person to move forward when they are not ready, said Jennifer Mann, a psychotherapist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation.
The question “whether he is feeling even better” can have a negative effect. “Even if the intention is kind, it can appear as impatience or as an expectation that he should have felt better by now,” which can arouse guilt or self-awareness, Mann said.
The same is true for telling them that “I hope they feel better soon” or “to rest a lot and they will be back soon,” he added. Lauren Selfridge, a psychotherapist who works with people with chronic illnesses.
We are still learning what happens over time with COVID over long distances, so how long the symptoms will persist remains unpredictable. Because of this uncertainty, avoid slipping into the mentality of letting the person recover first and reconnecting when they get better, Selfridge said.
“It may not be just a period of ‘passing’, but in fact life is happening,” so it’s important to keep reaching out to your loved one, “she said.
Adjust your expectations for what your loved one may or may not do.
“Your friend or family member may not have the same level of energy or ability to show up,” Selfridge said. “And someone might have more energy than others on some days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean everything is ‘good.'”
It also does not mean seeing the person mainly through the prism of his illness, but seeing him as a person with many facets going through challenges. They need you to change your expectations about how much they can give in the relationship, without defining their abilities or assuming what their energy levels are in a given day, Selfridge said.
Ask their what I feel I’m doing. Sometimes people don’t know how they will feel, said Lucinda Bateman, medical director of the Bateman Horne Center in Utah. They it may be necessary to cancel or interrupt plans at the last minute. Prepare to be flexible and give them unstoppable permission to do so.
Beware of toxic positivity.
Avoid telling the person that he or she may feel better if he or she adopts a more positive attitude, Selfridge said.
“The reality is that our bodies are going through something,” she explained. “And as much as psychology can have a positive impact on the body, it does not necessarily completely eliminate a medical diagnosis. So it can be really offensive and painful to go through a challenging illness and tell someone that you should think about it differently. ”
Mann has raised several phrases that people say may seem supportive, but which can be disabling when someone is still dealing with the repercussions of COVID-19, including “you are stronger than you think,” “I know you can to do it ”and“ you I will go through this, be strong. ”
Ask how they feel emotionally and be prepared for their true answer.
Let your loved one know about COVID in the long run that you are available if they want to discuss how it feels to solve the problem. Make sure it is when you have time to listen and let them share without interrupting you.
It is possible for someone to open up and share their emotional experience because they are more likely to understand those feelings – such as fear or anger – even if they do not have the disease alone, Selfridge said.
Know that the loved one might change their mind about how they want to cope with their illness.
Someone may go through periods when they prefer not to pay attention or talk about how they feel and periods when they want to talk about it, Selfridge said.
Saying something like, “I don’t know what to say or ask you, what would be a good way for me to talk to you about this? Do you want to talk about it? ”Gives them permission to change their minds and demonstrates your desire to respect any of the ways they choose to cope at that moment.
Initiate conversation and connection. Don’t wait to hear from them.
“Living in a struggling body means having less bandwidth, sometimes cognitive bandwidth or emotional bandwidth, to be extroverted in our communication, ”Selfridge said.
They may not call or text as much as before, but don’t let that stop you from continuing to communicate with them. Continue to extend virtual hangout invitations (and when it’s safe to do so, get personal recoveries) even if you decline them.
Better yet, find creative ways to reach your loved one, even if they can’t join your social hangouts, Selfridge suggested. They might appreciate receiving a five-minute recording from the group of friends greeting or wanting to participate in the weekly Zoom call without the video being turned on so they can lie in bed.
Give a hand with specific tasks, instead of asking how you can help.
Asking someone to let you know how you can help “put pressure on that person to come up with ways you could be helpful, and then ask them to do these things if they need your help.” , said Mann. He may feel uncomfortable and worry about burdening others with demands.
Instead, create the action plan for them. Check to see if it would be helpful to bring dinner for a few nights or if they are ready to schedule a quick phone call every Monday, so all they have to do is say yes or no.