The owner of the Skippy brand buys Mr. Peanut without any guarantee of his safety

In what feels like a sinister spiritual movement, Yahoo! rEPORTS that Kraft sells the Peanuts Planters brand to Hormel, which she also owns Spam and Skippy. The sale was worth $ 3.35 billion. Damn, it’s a lot of money. All those Peanuts, raised, sold and eaten. Baby Peanuts? Or maybe it’s Bart. Whatever your name is, man, I think you’re done. I see a grinder in your future, if we don’t eliminate you from your contract.

Even before the pandemic, Kraft was struggling as customers began to deviate from processed foods. Now give up brands to focus exclusively on those that bring in money, such as Lunchables. (Lunch. Who knew?) Last year, Kraft broke Polly-O and Breakstone from French company Lactalis for $ 3.2 billion. It’s a lot of cream and ricotta, folks.

Selling planters to Hormel means that people at Spam receive the full range of things, including Cheez Balls, Cheez Lower Loops, trail mix, mixed nuts and corn kernels that break forever.

Hormel intends to offer the Planters brand some TLC, as it did with Skippy when they bought it eight years ago. After a few problems, he managed to lift Skippy into a strong brand unit by investing in advertising along with new product lines such as squeezing packs and the sugar-free and protein-free versions of peanut butter. .

Now, I have a proposal for you, Hormel: use the same machine you use to grind peanut butter, but with Spam. What I see is a Spam Butter, which is hastily worn on soft white bread and on people’s faces. Or maybe pieces of spam mixed into a mix of tracks to create a balanced table. Or a frozen pizza! There are stars and dollars in my eyes, Hormel. Trust me.